Masturbation Tehniques

Remember Bazooka Joe comics? They used to come free with every pack of Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum. The old gum was always rock hard and had a mysterious powder on it. The comics were useful only as a gimmick and were only very mildly amusing. The comic would tell your fortune, and then feature a product you could send off for by collecting more Bazooka Joe comics.

One of the most popular items were X-Ray specs, through which you were supposed to be able to see through girl’s skirts. Every boy wanted a pair of these and chewed themselves half to death to get them. Unfortunately the X-Ray specs did not actually work. True, you could see the phoney outline of your bones through the glasses, but girl’s skirts remained depressingly opaque.

If only you could have sent off for the Autoblow Blast. This would have been a ‘must have’ item for every bubble blowing teenager. The Autoblow Blast is the world’s first automatic blowjob machine.

The Autoblow  provides an authentic deep throat blowjob experience time after time. Just penetrate the soft silicone sleeve with your lubed-up cock, switch on the multi-speed controller, lie back and let the good times begin.

And there’s even more good news . You don’t have to gum up your insides with bad bubble gum to acquire this truly awesome blowjob machine, nor do you have to endure any daft jokes to avail yourself of its orgasmic powers. It’s available online for only marginally more than a pair of X-Ray Specs (well, ok, quite a lot more, but at $100 you get a machine that actually does what it says it will do, and then some!).

If you still hanker for Bazooka Joe, he’s still out there. Topps spent $4 million to re-launch the product a couple of years ago.

As with all things, kids have it so easy these days. Now they can actually chew Bazooka Joe bubble gum. It used to be as hard as brick. So if you’re the type that likes to chew while you concentrate, order the Autblow Blast at www.robotic blowjob.com and for old time’s sake, treat yourself to a pack or two of Bazooka Joe. But forget the X-Ray specs.

www.roboticblowjob.com

Here are some more excellent masturbation techniques to ensure that you keep on good terms with Rosie Palmer and her five horny daughters. Some of them will work for you better than others, but the important thing is to innovate and explore.

Palmed off

Once you’re erect, place some lube on the inside of one hand, and rather than rub your penis with your hand, keep rubbing the tip of your penis against the palm of your hand to orgasm.

Train coming into the station

The next time you’re masturbating and feel as though you’re about to ejaculate, put your other hand over your scrotum and lightly squeeze and pull it down, that way, you get to feel your semen traveling through your body, and making its way out of your excited cock.

Morse code

You have to have a sensitive penis for this to work effectively. Keep your underwear on and make yourself erect. Once you’re as big as you can get, tap the tip of your penis with the tips of your fingers. It will take somewhat longer than usual for you to reach climax but it’s a hot one.

The pump

While standing, twist your lubed-up hand (whichever you’re most comfortable using) so that your thumb is against your belly button. Wrap your hand around your penis and, rather than stroke with your hand, move your pelvis to pump in and out of your hand. It’ll simulate real intercourse pretty effectively.

The Kermit

This is an unusual one, and while you might look like a right muppet trying to do it, it does add an interesting variation to some solo flute playing. Try to masturbate while squatting like a frog, the feeling during orgasm is very different.

If you are between women, lucky you! Nothing like a threesome huh! Err, no what we really mean is, if you are not currently dating any women and you are kinda short on some sex action, or indeed if you have a current squeeze and you just want to have more fun, then some clever handiwork can be a good way to ramp up your sex life, either solo or together. Here are some masturbation techniques designed to put a skip in your step and a twinkle in your eye.

1. Hot Handed Hannah
   Instead of just your regular KY, there are various lubes that heat up as you start to use it.  You can find body temperature heating lubes at several online sex stores and in some drug stores. This added sensation will quickly warm things up, or if you have a partner you can rub each other.
2. Cool Hand Luke
   This is the opposite. Instead of hot, go for cold. As you’re about to reach a climax, rub an ice cube around your cock. This is a great one to try during those hot summer nights when you’re thinking about Lucille. Who? Watch the clip and you’ll understand.
3. Reverse charge
   This one is called the reverse charge because instead of moving your hands you move your hips. Lay on your stomach. Hold your hand steady and move your hips up and down. Reverse charge produces a strong orgasm because it simulates having sex.
4. Cheeri-O
   With this one you create a series of circles with your hands. Start by creating a circle with your thumb and next finger. Place this at the base of your cock. With the other hand make a circle and place it around the tip. Move your hands in opposite directions. This promotes an intense feeling as you rub your penis in an opposite direction.
5. Ziploc Cock
   You will never find a better use for a Ziploc bag! Put some lubricant in a sandwich bag. Don’t fill it too much because it will not produce the correct amount of friction. You can now rub the bag around your penis. When you blow your load orgasm, you just let go in the bag. Nice and neat.